Kristen
May 11, 20233 min
So much to say, soooo much to say. I have had WAY too much caffeine, so bear with me. I will try to stay on topic. And the topic is... accepting others' emotions for what they are.
I work with many children. They come to me for all different reasons, and every reason is valid and real to them. SO real. We as moms, as dads, as aunts or uncles, as grown members of society... do not have the right to decide if their emotions match the situation. We do not have the right to reason with their subconscious... because their subconscious is not logical. And this expands further than just children... it holds true for everyone in our lives. We do not have to agree with someone's emotions. EVER. The emotions we feel through a situation is not only about the situation at hand... it's about past emotions, patterns, beliefs, traumas, memories...it's our subconscious rolling up all of the feelings we've ever felt about something into one ball. This includes absorbed and inherited energies too.
So... telling someone that "they'll be fine" or "don't worry about" is....drum roll, please... not helpful. Like not even a little bit. They actually didn't ask if they'd be fine.
They are attempting to express the emotions that are coming up for them (and this expression can come out in anger, anxiety, disconnection, and frustration... not in a neat little sentence of "I am feeling..."). You do not have to agree with them or explain why they shouldn't feel a certain way! They don't give a shit. They want to feel heard.
I see this play out through my clients every day. Emotions are trapped at a young age related to something that really probably wasn't a big deal to the parent, something they saw as "kid stuff," but it's still affecting my adult client even today. The energy got trapped and stayed trapped, creating beliefs and patterns that we as adults still carry. Beliefs like, "I'm not safe" or "I'm not good enough," "I don't matter" or "I am weak." Once a belief is installed, it stays there until you work to release it.
Now the parents reading this are like.... fuuuuccckkkk. I just told my kid to suck it up and go to school this morning when they were complaining about how hard math is, and now this is going to affect them 20 years down the line because I proved to them their feelings weren't valid. That is not my point. We all are victims and perpetrators of trapped energy. It's life. It's going to happen. But what can we do about it? Especially for our partners and children?
We can take care of ourselves first. We can heal our own shit, and stay grounded. We can take breaks when we need them, name and feel our emotions. We can model all of this for those around us. Get rid of the martyr mentality...you're only hurting yourself. Stand up for what you need, and take it. Reset often, take breaths, do energy exercises, eat well, drink water, get outside, move your body. Sleep. Respect yourself and your body. And kick shame and guilt to the curb. Not everyday is going to be your best day. Some days will suck, try your best on those days and move on.
Work to take each situation at face value, regardless of how overwhelming it might feel. Watch your triggers and your reactions. Your child coming to you saying they were sad at school because they were left out on the playground can be real triggering for those who have felt rejected in the past. Stay in the present, talk through their feelings and keep your triggers aside. Stay curious. Do not project. Do not fix. Lead with love, NOT with fear. And do it again. And again. And again. You're not going to get it every time, and that is ok. You are human and learning and beautiful and loved just the way you are.
Your emotions are valid too.
Feel that shit to heal that shit.
PS... having a tough time with someone you love? See them in their best light. This may take practice, but they are worthy of your love and acceptance, no matter where they are on their path.
I see you filled with light.
I see you filled with love.
You are worthy.
You are wanted.
You are safe.