The Art and F*ckery of Letting Go

To let go:

To stop holding onto something- to physically release it

To stop thinking about or being angry or upset about something

To allow someone or something to leave or be free

Letting go is about releasing your hold.

Sounds easy enough, just… let go.

In my experience, letting go is anything but easy. It’s a process, one that may take my whole life or longer to learn.  Letting go requires a side of heartbreak, a quiet tug as you get rid of old toys because you’re kids are too grown up, or an explosion of tears as you look one last time at your dead dad in the casket. Or all of the little in betweens…  the ends and the beginnings. Vacation, school years, birthdays, family visits, jobs, concerts (HATE the end of concerts fyi)… they’re all about letting go a little bit… of the past, of each other, of an experience, of their youth, of your youth…

Letting go requires us to relinquish control.

WHAT?? But control… she’s the one who keeps us safe. If you have control, whether real or perceived, you’re safe.  Aren’t you?? That is what many of us have learned to believe. We try to control what we feel, what happens next, how others act and react, how much we allow ourselves to feel something.

But what happens when we realize we actually don’t have control over… much at all. It’s scary as shit. Yes of course, we have control over our everyday choices… what we eat, what to wear, who we hang with, our values and morals,  if we exercise or make our beds.  There is absolutely some of our life that is within our control.  But for the big stuff… no.  We don’t have control over how others live their lives or if they’re going to stop at a stoplight when they’re supposed to, we don’t have control over nature or how our president treats others, or when our loved ones will die.

And we sure as hell don’t have control over time.

Time. Our friend or our enemy, depending on the day and how you perceive it.

Time flew by at work today… so glad it’s the weekend.

Time is crawling by, feels like it will be forever until vacation comes. Time is slipping away… the kids aren’t kids anymore.

I have all the time in the world today… I’m going to read and take a walk.

Look how much time I just wasted scrolling.

No matter which way you perceive time… it’s moving.

Sometimes too fast, sometimes too slow. It’s all in our perception.

So how do we let go knowing that we don’t have control over what’s coming or what’s passed?  How do we soften our relationship with time instead of holding onto the illusion we can control it?  We could white knuckle our way through life…. Trying hard as fuck to set our lives up like a Jenga tower and pray that it won’t crash.

Or… we could… surrender.  Allow and accept. We could learn to feel the freedom in our choice to let go… of control, the past, the shit that doesn’t concern us, others’ choices… and we could do it all with love, gratitude, and acceptance. How freeing could that feel?

What if letting go of you can let go of helped you to be more present and HERE?

You know, where your life is happening.

Relax into the idea and try letting go. Start small. Start with something that doesn’t concern you, like wondering if the landscaper wears tick spray.

It’s his choice Kristen, it’s HIS choice.

"Well, I know it wasn't you who held me down

Heaven knows, it wasn't you who set me free

So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains

And we never even know we have the key."

-The Eagles